Project 52: FORTY

{A tribute to my future babies - the things I want them to know}

Life is full of...

OBSTACLES  

MOMENTS THAT ARE INTERRUPTED BY UNPLANNED EVENTS.
A CURVE BALL THROWN, SOMETHING THAT IS UNEXPECTED. 
ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES
BECAUSE LIFE IS FULL OF THESE HURDLES.  

~*~

baby C's birth story was full of obstacles. But even with the obstacles, his birth was beautiful because it is simply his story.

Obstacle one: baby was big.
Obstacle two: Had a scheduled c-section.
Obstacle three: baby had lots of fluid in his lungs after birth.
Obstacle four: i almost didn't get my skin on skin time with baby due to a little reaction to the anesthesia.
Obstacle five: After my 15 minutes of skin on skin, i didn't get to see baby C for 5 hours. The hardest five hours of my life!
Obstacle six: baby C had low oxygen saturation levels and was admitted into the NICU for his first three days of life.
Obstacle seven: Due to my c-section i was not able to see baby until i got up moving and out of bed.
Obstacle eight: The healing process and milk production is slowed when i'm unable to rest; however, i was in the NICU every 3 hours and would stay for almost 2 hours at a time. i didn't care about my pain. i didn't care about anything. i just wanted to be with my baby. Every time i left him there it was the hardest thing i had to do.
Obstacle nine: baby was fed formula in the NICU which taught him what a full belly felt like while i was only producing drops at a time and could satisfy his hunger.
Obstacle ten: Transitioning baby C home and learning his routines,wants, and needs.  

~*~

i went into surgery at 11am. i received the spinal block and was nervous about feeling any pain. After being checked for numbness and reassured that tugging and pushing on my abdomen was the only thing that i would feel i was draped and hubby was escorted in. i felt so much better having him with me. 

In just minutes i heard dr saying "uterine layer" and asked if we were ready to meet baby. Hubby and i were both shocked that it went that quickly and i saw a baby hand peek over the draped curtain. And at 12pm exactly our baby boy, Cameron Thompson Loeffler, was born. He weighed 9 lbs. 15 oz. and was 22 inches long. Dr kept saying that he was a big boy and asked if i could see him. i could only see his hand at this point so she pushed him over a little further and i got to see his face. His beautiful face!

Hubby was snapping pictures as they handed baby C through the NICU window where he was weighed and had his vitals checked. At this point in the O.R. i began feeling very nauseated and dizzy. i was reassured this was all normal and was given more medication through my I.V. The NICU nurse brought baby C in just as i was feeling my worst. i was worried that i wouldn't be able to hold him if i wasn't feeling well. My body decided that if i just threw up a bit that i'd feel better. And so i did. Afterwards baby was placed on my chest. It was amazing! i can't put into words the way that i felt. He was here and he was all ours. 

After about 15 minutes of holding him, daddy and baby left me and went on their way to the nursery. This is where our story gets a little complicated. He wasn't 100%. He needed extra care. But all i wanted was him with me. 

It wasn't until 4pm that i got the news that he wasn't coming back to me. My heart sank as i burst into tears and didn't know what to make of all this. i was told that if i could get into a wheelchair that they could take me to him. So i got my butt out of bed only 4 hours after surgery. i wanted to see my baby!

i was able to see baby C at 5pm in his little cubby inside the NICU. It would be his first bed. His first place in the world. It wasn't ideal for me, but i knew he was safe. He was being taken care of with 24/7.  i stayed with him in my arms until 2am the next morning. i didn't want to leave. 

The next few days were a blur. My days were on 3 hour cycles. i'd get out of bed and into the wheelchair and hubby would take me to the NICU. i'd stay there for a good 2 hrs, go back to my room where i'd take my pain meds and then eat a little something and then i was right back in the NICU with him. 

Wednesday at 3pm baby C was brought into my room. All his wires were gone. His I.V. was removed, and i was able to hold him for the first time without watching monitors and getting all caught up in his wires. It was amazing!

~*~

First thing i've learned about motherhood - you love your baby more than anything in the whole world. You hear this often, but until you experience it you won't understand. It is simply beautiful.

Second thing i've learned - nothing is expected or predicted. Everything needs to be taken one step at a time. No one has the right answers or the perfect answers. Your story is your story. And all stories are beautiful!

Until next time...ta ta for now!